do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
