Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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