i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
