i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
