If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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