dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We left an ass print on the piano.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
