Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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