im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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