gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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