Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
