nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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