you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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