it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize