I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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