Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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