you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
