So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
