Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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