I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
