I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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