If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
