They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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