What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
