i just google imaged poop.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
