I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
