Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
