Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
