There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
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I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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