My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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