do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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