Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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