So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
