If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
