We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
