I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
