I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
