Having a random hookup so left but love u
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
