I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
