the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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