There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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