I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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