naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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