you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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