Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
