we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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