am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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