The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
