she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
