I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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