He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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