thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
