bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
