from now on my penis is your penis
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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