I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
