In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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