I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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