we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
