If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This house was built for laser tag.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
