I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
