Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
