dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
