lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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Let's paint friendship bongs
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize