Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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