this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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