I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
