The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
