Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
